You may have to excuse my language but either way,i will speak up.Am in a “matatu” on my way to work and i sit next to two pretty ladies.I mean so pretty that my l3sbian buttons were almost switched on.They are already in the middle of a conversation and y’all be rest assured that whenever two or more ladies are gathered,there has to be a talk of either fashion or relationship stuff.Thank God this time it was about relationships;the kind of men they would and wouldn’t date…!Anywho,their sob story reminded me of a person who has been gunning presidency for the past 12 or so years.And each year,he gives the same old excuses while constantly criticizing the government with nothing to show for it.Now,here are some of the reasons our so pretty ladies may end up single forever!
1.They want rich men in exchange for beauty.
If you have this description of the man you want in life,i am talking to you:”A man who will take care of me,take me for vacations,take me shopping at woolsworth,dubai and all the nice shopping sprees,bla bla bla…”And in return what does he get?s3x and hanging out with pretty you??Come on wake up and go hand the devil some air conditioner because it seems hell is too hot for him!You will age with time and all that glamor will fade but what about his money?All things constant,it will increase.So you pack your bags swry and go back to that bed sitter of yours in Kayole because in most cases this kind of man is either;
Too busy,
Taken,
G@y,
Or simply out of your league.
2.Too much celebrity gossip.
You think you are smart and intelligent??So does that girl from pondamali primary school in your village who gets staright A’s every end of term.For Christ’s sake quit watching too many reality shows.It’s 90% scripted and even if it were real,have you ever seen any of them riding to work in a matatu?I mean,do they even work?Did i hear a yes??Ofcourse not so al let NO for the answer.Girls from all the posh places y’all need to give us a break with this one!
3.Too much make up.
I have a huge problem with this one.Ladies,ladies,ladies!Where did you learn your make up skills?Shokereria beauty college?If you can’t do it right,leave it to those who can.Looking like flour splashed on you when making pan cakes for breakfast is not a good sight at all.And actually in most cases,men don’t even like that shit so how about a natural look and you good to go?…You’ll thank me later.
4.Bad smelly weaves.
Yes,i said it!A weave is no pregnancy that it should last a whole 9 months before it’s changed!I prefer natural hair or neatly plaited conrows but if you have to do a weave or human hair,it’s only fair you have it for 2 weeks tops!Men hate that shit:especially when it’s rained on,damn!I can even see you holding your nose.nasty!
5.S3x on the first date.
I should have started with this one!It’s an absolute no!no!Women have a grace period of 90 days but ts no rule;i mean it’s your p#ssy you can dish it out how you want but if you want a life time partner,trust me,take your time.Not too long though.Let’s face it,s3x is usually the climax of a relationship.We could call it the honey moon period..And yes, there are a few minutes of extreme bliss while you are engaged in great s3x. But after that, all you have to look forward to is a series of fights and compromises and a 90% chance of breaking up.
