1.You’re Not Honest With Him Or Yourself
So often, a woman will sleep with a man and not get the emotional response she was expecting, so naturally, she blames the guy: He’s a player, assh*le or clueless, right? Not the case.
How can you expect to be on the same page with someone about s3x if you’ve never had an honest conversation about what it means for both of you?
More importantly, how can you expect to not be disappointed if you haven’t had that same honest conversation with YOURSELF? Before you sleep with him, ask yourself the following:
1) What do I expect from this person in return? 2) Do I expect his behavior to change after the fact? 3) Will my feelings towards him change post-s3x?
Now for some women, the answers to these questions could very well be the following:
1) “Nothing, I’m just having fun.” 2) ”No, hopefully it doesn’t. This is just supposed to be casual.” 3) “Definitely not. It’s just s3x.”
If those are your answers, then rock on you cool, laid back, chill woman. You are a rare breed, and we all wish we could be as “down” about s3x as you are. That’s what society tells us, at least.
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If you’re gonna have emotions after s3x, you’re “crazy.” That’s a pretty dangerous assumption, if you ask me, but it’s very real.
The likelihood of you feeling comfortable enough to discuss your expectations about s3x with a man you’re not in a relationship with without totally scaring him off is very, very slim.
But, it’s important because it’s going to prevent you from being hurt and disappointed.
If you’re reading this and thinking, ‘Hell no, you crazy bitch, I’m not trying to run him off by telling him s3x is important to me,’ I totally get it because I’ve been there, too.
But, I’ll challenge you to ask yourself if you really want to be intimate with a person with whom you don’t feel comfortable having an honest conversation. Probably not. But…
Don’t blame him for not being interested in a relationship with you after you’ve slept together if you refuse to be honest with him or yourself about what you expect.
The truth is, emotions after s3x are normal for women. Expecting a relationship or interest from a guy because of s3x is what really makes you “crazy.”
2.You’re Not A Challenge
Men, by nature, want and need a challenge. It’s the primitive part of what makes them feel like men: the hunt, the chase and the kill. Rawr.
In my opinion, there’s no specific formula for figuring out when is an appropriate time to sleep with someone. But, when the challenge ends too quickly, things can become pretty boring, pretty fast. Don’t be easy; make ‘em work.
Helpful Hint #1: Men will chase women who are happy, independent, sincere, honest and who treat them with respect.
Helpful Hint #2: If he abandons the chase soon after realizing it might make him sweat a little bit, he’s just not that into you.
3.You’re Not Giving Him Good “Brain” Before s3x
Your most powerful point of seduction is your mind. Unfortunately, lots of women believe if they can entice men with their bodies, they will soon be enticed by their minds. Wrong. Totally backwards.
Women get off on the s3xual power they are often able to hold over men, but when they finally get them and they don’t ever call again, who’s really won this round?
Being emotionally vulnerable is scarier for men than being physically vulnerable. So, it’s important to create a relationship based on an emotional connection and interest, BEFORE you jump into bed.
It’s about being as tantalizing, desirable and stimulating MENTALLY as you are physically.
If you’re reading this as a male and thinking, ‘I’m so glad no one knows about the time I cried after Jenny didn’t call me after that one night of great s3x,’ I feel you, bro.
There are exceptions to everything. Guys can be as emotionally involved as women after s3x, and women aren’t all just emotional basket cases after one night in the sheets.
But, it’s a fact that our brains are wired differently, and we tend to think differently when it comes to s3x and relationships.
So, I’ll leave you with this: Be honest with yourself, your partner and your feelings. You’re not crazy for wanting more, or for feeling more connected to a person after you’ve slept together.
But, don’t sleep with someone in hopes that he or she will become more connected to you as a result because then you’re just another passenger in my dear friend Heather’s boat to the isle of delusion.
credit:Moore
