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1. Communication is lubrication: If you don’t learn to communicate with your partner about your se'x life, you won’t be able to have a long term, fulfilling se'x life. Many couples have no problem communicating with each other, except when it comes to se'x. Whether you’ve been together for 6 months or 6 years, talking about your se'x is the only way you’re going to have a sustainable se'x life and get exactly what you want in bed.
2. Ask and you shall receive: Be clear, honest and open about your desires and what you like and dislike about your se'x life. If you don’t know how to please your partner ask what she likes, what she fantasizes about and if she doesn’t know, then try to figure it out together: buy some toys, read ero'tica or talk about your favorite se'xual memories together. This will lead you to figuring out more about what turns each other on.
3. Never stop experimenting: Keep experimenting with new techniques and touches because the more aro'used a woman gets, the more her sensitivity level rises. Don’t stop at one point on her body because she seems to be enjoying it. Make a round of visits to her most sensitive spots regularly and you’ll be sure to please her all over her body.
4. Slow down: Many men rush through se'x, so I always tell them to go three times slower than they think they should. That goes for kissing, touching and even when she’s about to get clim'ax. The more you bring her to point of heightened aro'usal, and then slow down, the more turned on she will be. When she can’t anticipate your next move, she’ll be even more ar'oused and ready to explode.
5. Keep on kissing: In relationships, kissing is often the first thing that falls by the wayside. Men get in the habit of rushing right to inter'course. However for'eplay, like kissing, is a requirement, not a suggestion. Women get turned on by passionate kissing so if you feel she’s not turned on or is losing interest, just play with kissing her in different ways, moving your tongue and altering the speed and places you kiss her. Hint: the neck is a highly ero'genous yet often ignored spot on a woman’s body.
Your Approach
Her brain quickly vets your height and facial symmetry the moment you meet. Now convince her of your character. Approach confidently; don’t pretend to bump into her. Men tend to talk to each other at angles to avoid confrontation. But women face each other head-on and maintain eye contact.
Your Introduction
A good handshake isn’t a shortcut to her bed, but a bad one can doom you. Hands are loaded with tactile nerves, and people with weak, clammy handshakes were perceived as shy and neurotic in a recent study. So hold your drink in your left hand and give her a firm but not bone-crushing grasp. Pay attention to her grip as well: The same study showed that women who give firmer handshakes tend to be more adventurous.
Your Voice
The most attractive women prefer deep-voiced men. It suggests high testosterone levels, a sign of strength and reproductive prowess. Push out air with your diaphragm, not your throat. This lengthens the column of air moving past your vocal cords.
Your Icebreaker
Say something that will draw out details about her. “Your friends seem nice—how did you get to know them?” is a compliment and a window into her past. Forming a bond will release dopamine, a mood booster in her brain. Show off your interest with verbal nods of agreement (“uh-huh,” “go on”).
Your Conversation
We all know to ask lots of questions and to avoid flat-out boasting. But don’t sell yourself short. Women listen very carefully for signs of status and wealth. Keep any references to financial or personal success oblique, though—let her curiosity draw out the details. Another crucial conversation tip: Talk at the same pace she does and she’ll consider you intelligent, kind, confident, and ambitious.
Your Body Language
Attraction causes couples to mirror each other’s body language. But don’t be overeager to connect. Stay relaxed and let her set the tone. Fidgeting conveys nervousness and triggers the empathetic release of stress chemicals in her brain. Once she brushes your shoulder or thigh, reciprocate within a minute or two. Or touch her inner forearm, a nerve-rich zone that will create sparks.
Your Deal Closer
If you’ve made the right sort of first impression, she might be wondering how you are in bed. Consciously or not, she’s looking for signs that you’re patient and sensitive to the ways her body finds pleasure. Show refined tastes and sensitivity the rest of the time and she’ll suspect you have others worth exploring—back at her place.
Flirting is often viewed as a way to meet potential mates. An overly flirtatious husband can cause several types of marriage problems. Often, the wife feels hurt, rejected, and alone vice versa.
What to do if your husband flirts
If your husband flirts, take a little time to yourself and think about how you feel when he flirts. Once you are familiar with your feelings talk with your husband about them. Talk with him in a non-confrontational way. Be careful not to threaten him. Let him know exactly how you feel and would it would take for you to feel better. Your husband might not realize he flirts. He also might not realize how it makes you feel. If your husband doesn’t want to talk to you about it or says that you are over-reacting, try talking to him again when he is more receptive. For instance, he might be less willing to listen to you if he is drunk or has just come home after a stressful day at work. He may be more open to listen and talk about it on his day off from work or on a Saturday afternoon.
Why Married Women Flirt
Flirting is a often viewed as a way to meet potential mates. A flirtatious wife can cause several types of marriage problems. Often, the husband feels hurt, rejected, insecure, and alone.
The most common reasons why married women flirt:
What to do if your wife flirts
If your wife flirts, take a little time to yourself and think about how you feel when she flirts. Once you are familiar with your feelings talk with your wife about them. Talk with her in a non-confrontational way. Be careful not to threaten or accuse her. Let her know exactly how you feel and would it would take for you to feel better. Your wife might not realize she flirts. She also might not realize how it makes you feel. If your wife doesn’t want to talk to you about it or says that you are over-reacting, try talking to her again when she is more receptive. For instance, she might be less willing to listen to you if he is had a stressful day at work of if she is worried about paying the bills. She may be more open to listen and talk about it on her day off from work or on a Sunday afternoon.
Funke is outraged. She and her boyfriend are out dancing with a group of friends. She notices another woman checking out her guy — even though he’s obviously with Funke. At one point, the woman grabs Funke’s boyfriend and starts dancing with him. He is embarrassed but plays along and dances for a few minutes with her.
When it seems like another woman is flirting with or coming on to your man, things can get ugly and fast. Your jealousy gets triggered, and you begin to question what you think you know about your partner and your relationship. Is he really the victim of unwanted advances or is something else happening?
It doesn’t matter if you and your partner are at a bar, party, office event, out dancing or walking through your neighborhood. The two of you are enjoying one another’s company when — out of nowhere — another woman barges in. She runs up and hugs your guy or she rubs his shoulders and strokes his arm as she talks to him (and ignores you). Maybe she isn’t physically there, but has been texting him throughout the evening.
Your glares and “ahem’s” don’t seem to be getting through, and you feel jealous. It’s starting to seem that this other woman is trying to break you and your partner up!
Let’s be clear here. It’s not just other women who hit on men already in committed relationships. This opposite happens too. If you’re a heterosexual man in a monogamous relationship, it’s just as likely that another guy might try to pick up your woman. How you respond to someone else hitting on your partner can mean the difference between renewed trust and connection or more tension and distance in your relationship. Here are four do’s and don’ts to remember.
1. Don’t confront the flirt. It is really tempting to let the other woman (or man) know that you don’t appreciate and will not allow this. Your first impulse may be to seek out the “tempter” or “temptress” and make it clear that your partner is taken! While this is understandable, it’s probably going to cause bigger troubles in your relationship. Here’s why…
You risk escalating the tension and conflict with the other person and in your relationship too; and You insert even more distance between you and your partner and miss an opportunity for healthy communication.
2. Don’t accuse. Pause, calm down and really think about it before you accuse your partner of breaking trust, betraying you or acting inappropriately. When you blame your partner without proof to back it up, you’re only going to drive him or her further away from you. Jealousy can bring accusations to your lips, so stay aware and really think before you talk about it. Accusations instantly put your partner on the defensive and are often inaccurate or don’t reflect the whole picture. So, unless you have verifiable and tangible proof that your partner broke trust, stop yourself before you make an accusation.
3. Do remember the facts. Get clear about the facts as you know them before you try to talk with your partner about what happened. When looking at facts, double check what you think you know and rely on information that is trustworthy. How many texts did your partner and the other woman exchange? Was there a valid reason for the exchange? What exactly did your partner say and do when the other woman hugged him? Don’t get side-tracked by what the other person said or did. Pay closest attention to facts about how your partner responded to being hit on.
4. Do create clear agreements. Conscious and specific agreements can positively transform your jealousy and a difficult situation. With an agreement in place, the next time someone seems to be hitting on your partner, you two will have a plan for how to de-fuse the situation and return to enjoying being together. If your partner dismisses the flirting (or whatever is going on) as “no big deal” and refuses to create an agreement with you, remain calm and stay focused on the facts. Arguing about this isn’t going to solve the problem or bring you ease.
Instead, shift your request to concrete ways you two can keep your connection strong. This might be an agreement to periodically check in with each other at a party by making eye contact or to text one another at lunch. You can also choose to set a boundary to make clear what you believe is appropriate and what is not. If your partner crosses that boundary, your decision then might be whether or not you will stay in the relationship.
I will try and make this as short as possible.
Few months ago, out drinking with one of my best friend he begins telling me how séxy he finds my wife, and tells me he would love to have séx with her. He probably expected to get punched in the shoulder, but I told him this has always been a fantasy of mine, allowing
Although I have never told my wife, or anyone for that matter. My friend and I did not speak about it until a week ago, and I invited him over for dinner last night. I never thought anything would happen other than some minor flirting, due to her pérsonality.
She is the typical business women, very serious, no nonsense and professional. My wife was dressed very nicely, wearing a short black dréss and black stilétto heels. I kept the drinks flowing, and the 2 of them started flirting heavily. He had his hands all over her and she was very responsive.
I began making comments like you two need to get a room. Finally I said jokingly… you 2 should just get this over with and go in the room and have séx. I went in the kitchen to get another drink and I heard a door shut. They had gone in the room together, and I just waited in the living room.
A few minutes later I knew my fantasy was coming true, as I heard her beginning to moán. I waited a while and listened to her getting louder and louder and finally peeked in. He had her pinned up against the wall náked wearing only her stiletto heels, pounding her absolutely senseless! I went back into the living room and listened to her.
I have never heard her moán and scream that loud, and it went on for almost 2 hours. This morning she was concerned about how I felt and I assured her it was a huge turn on for me and that I was fine with it. I asked her for details of the experience and she told me that she had more orgásms than she could count, and that he was so big he could bárely fit inside her, but once he was inside it was the most amazing feeling she has ever had.
I cannot wait for her to do this again, and she agreed to do this often! Should I just stop this now? I know I probably should, but really don’t want to!
“There are two things in this life never worth crying about: what can be cured and what cannot be cured.”- Matthew Pearl
I like a good cry as much as the next person. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to relish in those few emotional and liberating moments, hours or half-days spent mourning a personal loss.
It’s a natural process that seems to heal us, like an outpouring of negative energy — an emptying of the soul, if only for a moment.
However, since moving to New York and being hurled into the masses of adulthood, I’ve found myself emotional and too quick to cry for my own good.
With all the extra stress, pressure and consistent adversity faced by young Millennials, I’ve become soft, prone to taking every word, every action and every opinion as a personal assault against my character.
I cry when I pass a baby on the street. I cry when a boy doesn’t call me back. I cry when I think of my grandmother. I cry at concerts and during fights with my roommate.
I cry when my parents don’t call me back and when I think that I’ll never find someone to care about.
I don’t know if it’s because I’m weak, emotional or just becoming one of those women — you know, the kind who cries at her kid’s graduation from kindergarten — but I’ve realized that crying has become a constant pain, rather than a sporadic release.
Life is too short to spend it crying every time something goes wrong, every time someone disappoints me. There’s too much good to constantly fret over the bad.
If I don’t start picking and choosing what’s truly worth crying over, I will never live a happy life — or at least one unmarked by mascara stains on my face.
You can’t spend your entire life obsessing over the boy who broke your heart, or the first boy you ever loved. There is a statute of limitation that comes with crying over your exes, and anywhere over a year is past its expiration.
You will never move on until you’ve let go of the idea that he was the only one for you. You broke up for a reason, even if you didn’t agree with the reason or have any say in it. He has moved on and now it’s time that you get on, too.
We’ve already spent too much of our adolescence crying over b*tches from middle school, so why give them anymore tears? Crying over bitchy women just isn’t worth it because by now, you should know that a woman is only a bitch when she’s unhappy.
Feel sorry for her, rather than feeling sorry for yourself. As we go through life getting our hearts ripped out by men, women should be the least of our worries. Sisterhood should become the replacement for bad men and sh*tty dates.
It’s a hard reality to swallow, but the face you have now is the one you’re always going to have. You may never have big boobs or a fat ass like Beyoncé, or maybe you’ll never be less than 140 pounds or taller than five feet.
The sooner you get over fretting about your big nose or closely spaced eyes, the sooner you can move on with it and start caring about more important things… things that can be changed.
Opinions are like assh*les, everyone has one. Everyone is always going to have something to say about you, whether you deserve it or not.
Letting yourself get worked up over the opinions of others is a losing battle that will only bring you constant anxiety and a life similar to that of the lady screaming about chicken cutlets in the subway. The day you stop caring about what other people think is the day you are truly free.
Never place too much importance or happiness on anything tangible; those things can be replaced, and if they can’t be replaced, they’re not worth crying over.
Life is too short to get upset over losing a diamond ring or a favorite crop top. Learn to let things go — accept that it’s all just “stuff” — and realize you still have the important things, like your health, your family and your life. Only when you rid yourself of material possessions will you feel unburdened and unattached.
Attaching yourself to as few things as possible is important because the fewer things you attach yourself to, the less vulnerable you are to pain when it’s lost.
If you lose your job, get a new one. If you hate your job, get a new one. Crying over a job is like crying over spilled milk. Clean yourself up and move on with it.
Look at the ending of one chapter as an opportunity for new adventure, divine intervention or whatever rationale you need to understand that jobs come and go.
It’s all going to be all right in the end. You are most likely not at the job you are going to call your profession for another few years, anyway.
We’ve all cried over that douchebag who didn’t deserve us. We’ve all let the assh*le come into our homes and tear us apart. In my opinion, we like the pain.
No woman willingly enters into a relationship (even a date) with a known assh*le without knowing, somewhere deep down, he’s going to hurt her. The assh*le is a fluke that you need to get out of your system to know when you’ve found a good one.
Whether it comes in the form of letters or an empty call log, we will inevitably feel the sting of rejection many times throughout our lives. There’s no getting away from it.
Fearing rejection is like fearing the rain; you’ll live your entire life carrying around an umbrella. Rejection doesn’t mean you’re not a good catch or a good person; it means you weren’t right for a particular person, at that moment in time.
Stop taking rejection so personally and realize that not everything is going to work out. Just because you’re not picked first doesn’t mean you’ll always be last.
It took me many years to realize one very important truth about hair: It grows back.
Next time you get the insane idea that you’d look good with cross bangs, just remember when you’re staring at your frayed locks that it’s only gonna be like that for a few months. Life goes on and hair grows back.
The concept of finding your “one true love” has ruined relationships and lives of countless individuals. There is a common belief that once you find someone you love, that is where the journey ends. We have been taught by fairytales and romantic movies of sorts that finding someone to love, and finding someone who loves you in return, is where the story ends — the happily-ever-after ending, which has been reiterated throughout history ever since the concept of romantic love was discovered.
Instead of being helpful, the concept of love we have is where love-related issues stem from for many of us. You wait for things to be just as “magical” and perfect as they are depicted in chick flicks and romantic novels — it’s not your fault; blame pop culture. Moments in life are only as magical as you make them. Magic isn’t found in actions themselves, but rather, in our interpretation of actions and how that interpretation compares to the expectations we have.
If we expect something otherworldly, but interpret an experience as of this world, then we are bound to be disappointed. Disappointment is the killer of all potential love stories. If we wish to avoid ruining potentially great relationships, we have to tweak the way we see the world, adjust our expectations, understand that relationships require maintenance and understand why we are in a relationship in the first place.
Human beings do require social interaction — that’s a proven fact. If you don’t believe me, talk to any inmate who has been locked up in solitary for too long and has trouble talking or making eye contact of any sort. Likewise, we need to reproduce and improve the likelihood of our species surviving. There is nothing in our genetic makeup that requires us to “fall in love” or to be in love.
Arguably, we may need to love, but being in love and loving are two different things entirely. We associate being in love with intense emotions that “move us.” Love itself isn’t the same thing — we love our family and friends, but we are not in love with them. What’s the differentiating factor in types of love? In a nutshell, it’s sex.
“I love you, but I’m not in love with you.” Who hasn’t either heard or recited that statement in the past? I’m going to assume that most of you have been in this sort of situation before, either handing out or receiving this metaphorical kick to the gut. What is the first thing that goes when you begin to feel that you may be “falling out of love”? The sex. The sex loses its excitement and wonder, and then both parties begin to question whether or not they are still in love. Do you really love your partner if you don’t want to hump his or her brains out all day like you used to? No. But that’s only because being in love is basically an illusion. A very exciting, moving, almost magical illusion, but an illusion nonetheless. Love isn’t something that enters or leaves you. It’s a way of thinking; it’s a belief and it’s a choice.
If you haven’t found love, you can only blame yourself. Maybe you haven’t met the right type of person (notice I said “type of person” and not “person”), but it’s much more likely that you haven’t really tried. You likely find traits you don’t like about people and strike those prospects off your list as not being “right” for you. You don’t love every little thing about someone; therefore, you can’t love that person, right? Ridiculous.
I’m not arguing that you can fall for just about anyone, but it’s certain that you have passed up at least a handful of potentially beneficial relationships along the way. What’s even more likely is that you gave up on a great love story because you didn’t feel that things felt the way they should. You pictured your love life being everlastingly intense.
I’ve made that mistake before. We all have. It’s okay, though, because you have to learn to love. Loving someone romantically is not a natural occurrence, but it is something that can be learned. It takes time, patience and practice. It takes knowing yourself and knowing what you want out of life. What purpose do you have for being in a relationship? If the relationship isn’t beneficial, then it’s wasteful.
Being alone is almost always completely your own fault. You always have a choice that can be made. You can choose to make things work. You can choose to give people a try. You can choose to spend more time getting to know yourself so that when you do find someone worth your time, you’ll be better prepared for it. But chances are, you don’t. Chances are that you sit there and hope that your love story will fall into your lap just as it does in all those fictional stories fed by society. You hope that the relationship will work seamlessly and that there won’t be any ups and downs. Let me ask you this: How exciting is a steady relationship with no slumps or peaks?
Just about as exciting as running on a treadmill. It’s not trying to avoid these ups and downs that’s important; it’s learning to navigate through the slumps to get back to those peaks. If you wanted to be in a decent relationship, you could be in one tomorrow — not a great one, but a decent one. Chemistry, unfortunately, isn’t quite as easy to find, but also not as difficult as one may think. If you’re in a densely populated area and you set your mind to having a great relationship, it can be done. The only question is: Are you ready for it?
While there may be many reasons why a woman might have low interest in interacting with you (the majority of which have nothing to do with you), there might be some things you are doing at the meta level that might trigger a low interest response in a woman (none of which includes you being a “loser”).
Incongruence is a big issue for most men, but it is especially true for Nice Guys and inexperienced daters. Here are a few examples of incongruence.
Here is the clincher, it doesn’t matter what you are being incongruent about –you might just be holding back gas or trying not to look at a woman’s tits – most women will pick up the meta-communication.
Even if a woman isn’t consciously aware of the incongruence she is feeling, or the cause of it, she will have a negative reaction at an unconscious level.
Incongruence feels terrible to women. This is why everything I teach to both single and married men has the same core message: “Be honest and be yourself.”
Being congruent with women includes:
By being congruent, you allow a woman to decide if she likes you just as you are. You don’t give her that chance if you hide who you are from her.
When a woman experiences incongruence with a man, she won’t want to get close. In fact, she’ll want to get as far away from him as she can.
That is why I’m not a pickup guy. This is why I don’t try and turn men into“geeks with techniques” by teaching them pickup routines. While memorized pickup lines and sets may work on drunken 22-year-olds, most women see through the incongruence.
So if a woman has low interest in you, it is not because she can see through you. It is more likely because she can’t see you.
Anxiety is contagious. In all pack, flock, or herd type animals, anxiety is transmitted as an early warning system of potential danger. One dog anxiously barks and every other dog in the neighborhood starts barking. One bird flies out of a tree and the whole flock flies away. One cow is spooked by a snake, and the rest of the herd stampedes.
This same energetic transfer of anxiety occurs in humans as well. If one person in an emotional system is anxious, the other people in that system will experience the anxiety.
While none of us enjoy feeling anxious, women especially hate it — especially when it isn’t their own!
After 30 years as a marriage therapist, two marriages, and 9 years of conscious dating, here is the one thing I know for sure about women — they are “security seeking creatures.”
As feminist Maureen Dowd puts it, “Women are emotionally complex and physically vulnerable.” For hundreds of thousands of years, women have walked the planet feeling anxious. Evolution has wired them to look to men to provide and protect. We are their security system.
So when a man approaches a woman and he is anxious, either because of inexperience, approval seeking, or attachment to outcome, the woman picks up his anxiety. Her brain might be reading the meta-communication of the man’s body language, facial expressions, lack of eye contact, and pitch of his voice — but it is more than that. She feels his anxiety energetically. It vibrates throughout her body.
Remember, attraction for a woman is based on how a man makes her feel. If you make a woman feel anxious because you are anxious, she will want to get as far away from you as she can.
Since a woman is programmed by Mother Nature to look to a potential mate as a security system, your anxiety will immediately disqualify you. The programming of her unconscious mind screams, “If he is anxious about talking to an insecure little girl like me, how will he be powerful enough to provide for me and protect me?”
As one woman once told me, “If you can’t stand up to me, how do I know you will be able to stand up for me?”
Women want us to help them feel safe. That is why they are attracted to confident men, men who can soothe their own anxiety, and men with their nut sack intact.
Women can’t look into your soul and tell that you are a loser, but their heightened empathy and response to a meta-communication often leads to dating frustration for anxious and incongruent men.
